Quandary of Emotion

Ah, it's not even been a full day since seeing my friends last, and I already feel as though the part of my brain that processes happiness is dead. I feel bored, tired, useless, and unanimated, a lifeless machine. I've been sitting here in my chair, watching the Sun's shadow slowly, and lazily crawl over my dirty window. The loneliest day of my life. I feel as if a terrible creature came into my room at night, and had eaten up the color from my soul.

I realize now, that it is dangerous to spend too much time alone -- My own voice has finally gotten to me, fiery in my skull, driving me insane. My thoughts are getting to me finally, and my own voice is yelling at me. Conflicting in my mind, all I want to do is sleep. My chronic boredom, and gloom lays me down spontaneously on days like these. I don't want to get up. I don't want to eat. I don't want to walk. I don't know what I want. I need laughter again. I need to be around someone else.

A day like this is the worst after a terrible nightmare.. I'm left alone all day, with no one to talk to, sitting here, imagining the horrid images I dreamt the night before. I feel half insane. I can feel my sanity melting away, and slipping through my clenched fingers. It's almost like a death that you feel you can stop, when it's right in front of you, and you don't. I tirelessly scratch away at my head, wondering where it all went, all my happiness, and vivid color. It feels as though my entire life has been a dream in itself, and I'm sitting here, alone, and unknowing, waiting for something to happen. I could starve to death, just waiting innocently for something to happen. Alienated, ostracized, and alone, waiting for something.. anything to happen. Stuck with a downtrodden voice in my head, telling me that my life is a joke, telling me how meaningless things are. Showing me how futile my efforts are, depressing me inside, making me feel stupid, and humiliated.

All because of a lonely day.. My lonely days are terrible, terrible monsters that eat away at my imagination, my happiness, my intellectual structural integrity. It's spreading, it's growing, it's burning, it's eating away at me. A monster in my head, eating its way out, as I feel insanity taking over my thoughts, and dreams. I'm a monster now. What was once a bright, and happy mind, is now a chaotic storm, destroying itself with every move it makes, collapsing on itself. Mercilessly and unforgivingly clawing away at my spirit, until absolutely nothing is left, but a lifeless contraption, who's sole purpose is going to school, and coming back, with no regards to happiness, or emotion. I'm finally broken. Days like this should be against the law. Dreadful days that will turn a happy, unknowing person into an insensible mechanism that lives on instinct.

Now, I'm floating out in the cold silence of space, far from the reach of my loved one's voices, far from the reaches of the world, society, media, everything. I'm just floating here, disconnected, waiting for my death as I continue on damaging my delicate balance of mind,going insane. The freezing, paralyzing feeling of isolation will be the death of me.